To get better.

Had an exceptionally tougher night today.  From the bottom of my heart, I really love my boyf a lot. I like how I'm comfortable with him when it is just me and him. I'm sorry for being such a burden for you, having you to worry about me. I must be one girl that have the most worries, most concerns in mind. This is just me, when I start letting people in, I would always give my best, always care for them basically I would devote my life to them. That's the problem with me that I would go the extra mile no matter what it takes. Seeing my love ones happy, makes me even happier inside. 

Today, I told him, I am very tired. I not sure how am I suppose to put into words but I just say, I'm tired, tired and more tired and I end it off by saying 'let's not about it'  I guess this is an unusual sight of me. I used to blabber everything out , but today, I feel like being strong, strong enough for others and those I love. I didn't shed a tear, I know I'll probably just tell myself , wipe those tears off and move on. I'm actually very touched that he teared. I not sure if he feel the pain but I saw his teary eyes and I know actually there's someone that would cry for me. Someone that would actually worry about me.  I'm always the one worrying for my friends this and that. I'm so touched but I suck at words so I just kept quiet. Deep down, I know what he said meant me well. He want me to be happy, I know where his intentions are coming from. But for me, I would never taste happiness for long because it will go away very soon so I stop expecting. He never fail to teach me how to suck it up because this is reality. I always like to listen to what he have to say. I hope I would be happier without any pretense days to come. I don't want to let him down and most importantly myself. 

Let it be the last time, tears drenched my pillow.