Vulnerable.

Currently on my way home from work. Tbh, I really love to work. Tons of work and revision awaiting for me yet I am here working during my weekends if I don't have CCA or outings. So I'm always left with weekdays to mug or some nights of my weekends to chiong my projects. I like to keep myself occupied. Work is damn tiring for me yet it is the only time when I could totally just be myself, quiet and alone. 

Lately, I've been losing my temper especially in group projects. I'm so sick of always being the one stressing and making the final decisions. I'm so sick of having to talk to my clique in a pekchek tone. I don't like it. I don't have the patience so most of the time I would lose my temper. I hate it. I feel like crap because I did not handle the situation well enough. I bet most of my friends or group mates would have known what a lousy person or leader I am. 

Ytd is one of those nights where I reflect how a friend I am. I hadn't meet my BFF for weeks partially because she is busy with her ndp stuff and my other sec friends as well. I feel like a lousy friend. 

I guess I have given up hope on them. I don't want to show my real self to them anymore. They don't deserve me to open my heart to because of their mindset and treatment. I used to feel that being open about myself and past would draw people closer to me, but hell no. They prove me wrong because each time I want to be closer, they wouldn't want to share anything just because of their immature mindset. If they are all building walls, then so am I. I'm so tired of trying too hard. Concerning over the limits of just friends. 

I feel so sad each time you have to raise your voice at me. I'm only human. And deep down inside, I really feel hurt. I'm so tired and worn out. I can't wait to go overseas and just forget about every single shit.