Failures

I hate failures. )'"'"""""""""""""""""""; Tears welled up my eyes in school . I tried so HARD to hide it all back in . Even if it drop , i'll pretend to look in another direction to wipe off my tears. Countless of times i really wanna to break down in school today but i didn't . I don't wanna let that vulnerable side of mine to be showing , i hate it. My results like shit. Seriously , a piece of shit.

WHY AM I SOOOOO STUPID!!!!!
WHY CAN'T I DO WELL IN SOMETHING ?!?!
WHY AM I SUCHCA FAILURE.
JUST WHYYYYYYYYY.

Everyone was like comparing themselves for A , if they didn't get A , so will they get upset. For me ?! I'm still worrying about whether i pass anot ? DEFINITELY not worrying about 'A' stuff. I can't even score well for term test. I dare not boost about my results. So what if i studied so damn hard for it, in the end also didn't meet up to my expectations.I can never compare myself with others. I know where i stand, the very bottom among my classmates. .... Who really aim for a pass anyway ? Even if i say out , doesn't mean i want it.  I HATE TARGET SETTING. WHAT BULLSHIT IS THAT MAN!

When i saw boonhui cried , i went forward and hug her and i nearly cried. I can feel the heartache.
During recess , while chasing the upper sec classes down, i let my tears fall , but i doubt anyone notice it.  When my classmates gathered around my desk after recess, i almost cried again ... But i tried all means to smile at their silly actions. Thus , i'm able to hide it all back in .  I admit , when she mentioned about  xx name . I wanna cry .......... Gosh , just look how much i miss him )'; . Then ,  Really didn't have the mood to talk , but i maintain this strong front. I want to cry out , break down and just give up. I'm just a thrash .So much things to worry inside , i can't put my mind at ease. I hate myself cause i teared too easily.......Argh . )"; But thank god , i did much better for my POA this test. Little encouragement for the day , but i'm definitely not contented.

slept for 2 hours , didn;t have much appetite for dinner . Hardly really talk while i'm at home ,  My tears just cannot stop flowing.... , useless right? Really need a shoulder to rely on . I can't take it anymore .

I'm sorry for the poor attitude , again (as you said) I think you just stay away from me bah , i'll never be a good friend. Also , i don't think i'll explain anything to you cause it's pointless. Just , sorry.