压力

too much worries in me ever since I chose the poly route. Is that all I want? Is that all I can be? I'm trying really hard to figure out myself because I doubt my choice right now. Poly life is so much different from all my past years of living . I really feel like I don't belong here. This is just the beginning and I'm already not sure what I want for the next few years. Is it just me that I really REALLY miss my best friends and secondary school friends so each time I see familiar faces in sp , I'll be like so hyped out, just like today when I saw Junxiang and Yangzhi, I was screaming in my heart because they were too far out to reach and I keep pestering Shihui to shout their names with me so that it is louder. I really miss them like SO SO damn much, can you see? I want to make a difference in my poly life but I'm so reluctant to step out of my comfort zone at this point of time. There's too many concerns and worries in me. I don't want to rush into things too quickly because in orientation I'm like ' I want to join this, I want to join that' but I ask myself, what will become of me at the end? can I cope this and that. Therefore, I didn't want to turn up for the handball training that my senior want me to join, I rather take things slowly or maybe no sports in poly after hearing what Xinwei have to say.  Ofc, need to thank my dad for saying "You're the best" to me , really sort of enlighten me a little bit even though he won't understand. Last but not least, my dear ting for going to school/home and even wait for me, poor thing is that she have to hear me rant the same thing over and over again yet it is always so comforting to be beside my best friend. I really want to continue going school and home with her but then our time-table clash ;( (ok maybe some days isn't)

Meaningless rant because I need this space to.