Talk to you only lor , blog

As you can deduce from my title, I can only find myself here.I got a lot of rants to thrash it out once and for all.  I am unable to comprehend the way I feel now. My heart is fluctuating like never before. I do not regret the things I do. But the wait kills. I was contemplating for a long time, thinking of consequences if I did what I did or just leaving things the way they are. I am unsure if this is the best choice to get things going but I know that is what my heart really wanted at that point of time.

Yesterday run, i was running and running like never before , i guess this was the only way for me to sweat it out , vent it all out as well .. The fact is that it is always there lingering around me , trying to affect the decision and choices i've made to myself. Why such feelings so irritating ? Like example when i decided on something that i want to do but when i got affected by outsiders , i start to waver . I doubt myself if it was all i have to do at this moment itself.Its like a lost in direction afterwards. Its sucks. It kills me inside. I seriously dont understand myself being two totally different person at the same time . One moment , i could happily with my friends , but in the other , i could be all alone moving into deep thoughts. Thinking & thinking. I've those lil ' heart-to-heart 'link yknow , its likes at one moment , you have a strong feeling of meeting someone and then , there he/she is. This kind of feeling make me feel much more enlighten and happier. Somehow , i dont want this 'heart-to-heart' link of mine to stop . I want it all , i need to feel it all .

I suppressed my feelings so hardly that i couldn't even breathe.. how long will it take or rather how long will i be able to give away that lil diary of mine ... But when i'm totally 'fine', I would announce to my darlings first becus they will be more than glad when they hear this. Next ....  probably it will be you ... :') By then , everything will come to a stop . yes, it will be .
 

Wake up early on saturday morning for a match against jurong . It was just a total shit that i've played.  Bad things happens to me nowadays. I'm seriously sucks at handling all these emotionals and stress that i've created for myself. I'm not like what i'm use to be .  I talk to vivien about how much i've change afterwards, in fact , its a big change if anyone of you had notice it . =/   I need to squeeze my way thru somehow or another , or else i'll be seriously down down down right to the bottom . And this is not what i want . Neither i want become a burden to others. I should really focus. I'm really sorry for the super lousy plays that i dont even understand what i'm doing inside the court. Argh . This feeling of being helpless and useless sucks. I need to buck up on how i shoot and layup accuracy . 'Give Up' is not the right word at this point of time. In fact , we still got long way to go . I believe.

Sometimes I wonder.... without jjj-oelle.bs.... how would I be able to suppress the over-raging insanity within me? Thank god I have readers like you guys.... I am fine..