Heavy.

Never felt so suckish on the train rn. The look in your eyes when I approached you and said Hi, I knew you have tons of questions to ask me and you're so damn disappointed in me. It sucks because I see through you. 

I didn't know I had such a bad reputation and that people must be talking about me behind my back. That's why I chose to keep my distance after seeing your face. It hurts me to lie and leave to board another train. As much as I wish to pull you aside and tell you all my reasons behind my doings, I guess there's no point anymore. This make me more firm in my decision without second thoughts now. I got so affected and my heart feels like it got stabbed because those period of time was real. I gave my all, you guys were the best to me for a while and it is all that matter to me now. At least I get to experience that short term happiness. I still miss the guys from time to time and I swear it hurts. Everything doesn't matter because they don't even care. Then again, it's okay I deserve it because of my irresponsible act. What if that day I turn up and just endure those time , will it be better for them? But it's okay, it doesn't matter again. 

As for you, I'm so disappointed in you. It's like you're keeping your distance because of them. I don't blame you because you're closer to them now. Idk what to say but you just disappoint me by a lot with your actions and thinkings because I've known you for so long and I know what you're thinking. 

I wouldn't appear in front of them anymore, I promise.