Barely made it.

Today was a really moody day for me but it's also the first time i sort of chose

to contain my feelings and just let this feeling numb. It's not that i don't want to

share but i don't know who to share these with. But this just reminds me once again

that most of the time i have to fight most battles alone because this is my life and

i take charge of it. I felt lonely but i've learnt to accept this feeling of being alone

when the irony is that i've actually been surrounded with many friends today.

I just don't feel like saying a word to anyone today and if not for my duties i really

wanted to just have a day away from the crowd. It's midweek into sem 2

and i'm still doing my best to keep up the discipline and to sleep well, eat well and

treat my body well. But honestly school is already draining the soul out of me and

as much as i believed perhaps somebody anybody can go thru this shitty feeling with 

me.. still find myself coping alone. You can tell when people are putting in effort or

they are not. I think the problem with me tiring myself and my body out is that many

times i am not just coping with my own problems but also others' problems and i take

so much to myself thinking i can solve every thing but perhaps i can't really do that..

im so tired. it's so funny because, the only thing that can turn me away from negative

thoughts are these activities that kept me super busy, but at the same time .. these are 

also the ones that are draining the shit soul and energy out of me. I'll still smile because

that is how it works all the time. It'll be over . Just be there for yourself, you can do it.

Dont lose the momentum just yet. 

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Sometimes I just wish I could stop being the bad guy. I wish I don't have to annoy the shit out of people. Sometimes I wish people would actually accept this is who I really am when I'm opening up my walls to you. Sometimes I just hope people would take their busy time off to listen to what I have to say attentively. Sometimes I wish people could be there for me as much as I'm there for them. Sometimes, I wish I get what I expect. Sometimes I do get sick of being myself then I just wish to just sleep all my days away, just like that.