Sleepless nights

Had this urge to blog after an emotional roller coaster today. Time check: 1219 right now and I couldn't seem to fall asleep. Too much worries in my mind, too much concerns in my mind. Too much doubts unclear in my mind. There's a lot a lot and a hell lot of thoughts running in my mind right now. I didn't expect myself to cry in the middle of the night for 3 consecutive nights. I'm tired of crying yet relieved a little that tears are coming out and that it's not that bad yet because at least I could cry to let it out.

I haven't heard such a comforting and precious heartfelt words from someone for quite some time. The pain I've gone through she manage to see it all. I was very touched that I was loss for words that night, all I could do was to look away and tears flow helplessly. I hadn't been treated like this for a very very long time. Words that mean a hell lot to me and it eventually trigger my emotions. I don't really bottle a lot of things but for someone to see things in my perspective and to know so well is rare. I'll definitely treasure this friendship. And thanks for seeing the worst in me. ( you know who you are) awfully worst past few days  for me because I'm mentally tired of thinking too much, crying too much. You see , a part of me really do care for someone a lot yet I know I could never figure out what exactly is in her mind because she will never speak the truth to me. I know where I stand. I am not that important for her to confront everything to me. Deep down, I only can concern her secretly and sincerely hope she's happy without any faking because I couldn't be entirely happy with my life rn not till she is. If there's anything I could do to help her ease the pain, make her feel less hurt when she think back about the past happenings, I would do anything for it. I always put those I care for in front of me no matter how hard it is. I need to learn to be thankful and cherish for the besties I have with me now and my boyf. Really. 

Sorry, that the post isn't in sequence right now because I type what come across my mind so I just need somewhere to let it out and I couldn't be bother about anything. I couldn't sleep and those thoughts eat me alive. What a bad start on the month of May. I know for the next subsequent days, I can only expect and care less in all I do.