Irony.

Looking back, everything changed within just a short period of time, doesn't it feel so? It pains my heart to look back on the tormented days I've been through. No one except myself know it best . I wish I could erase it all and start afresh so badly. I wish that some things didn't happened. I blame myself for the words I used to push people away, I blame myself for using harsh words to hurt the people I love , especially xx. I hope whoever I did that to will eventually understand , be it understanding the situation I'm in , my position or my heart . Pains me to see that person got hurt because of me but yet relieved me a little knowing that the person hate me . I'm left with no other choice but to take the leap of faith, believing whatever I choose to accept. With that , I'll accept what more I still had to go through , good or bad. 

I wish I can stop growing up because I continues adding on that little bit of regret , little bit of guilt and little bit of missing the old days where things were so much simpler. I hate growing up so much now. I really hate losing anyone that I hold closely to and I sincerely hope my dear friends would stop letting me go because I don't want to lose. 

The irony where I keep pushing people away yet just very deep down inside me  I really wish someone could actually stay with me no matter how much I didn't initiate or mention. 

-/So my post tonight is crap. There's no conclusion.