I choose the hard route.

Well, this is the second post for the day  I like to think a lot whenever I'm alone especially so when I am locked up in my room. Constantly feeling like a loser these days with my life because there's so much to handle and I'm fighting against my own demons. The 'demons' I'm referring to get harder to dealt with each torturing night when I had to face it alone. I will always do things with my conscious clear , without having to do it against my will. I always put in effort for the right person and those I cared for, no doubt that I would .

When I look back on what I've posted a few months ago, I ask myself " Do they matter now?"  No they don't. They don't even weigh a single thing because it's so funny that some things that once make you so upset and heart broken don't matter at all. I'm saying this not because I'm entirely happy with my life now but because I feel that all the hatred, anger, jealousy are all temporary feelings that could make you end up in self-destruction. Every choices come with a consequences and for those that truly love me will understand it all. I don't like to constantly hampering around things that I didn't do. Maybe I should have done this , Maybe I shouldn't.. enough of maybe because I just want to live the day feeling right. I like to take all my past mistakes as a lesson for me to never repeat them again , so I've been doing it for her. I let go of one of my closest friend that I never thought I would lose in the hope that another person , same situation and same problem I wouldn't let go of her this time round . That's all I ever wanted, believe it or not. I absolutely hate it when someone there like to bring this as their discussion topics because I ONLY confide my feelings to those that care for me wholeheartedly. I don't want to live my life in regrets as far as possible. Been so troubled lately yet there's never a solution to make things a little more right. It's a cycle again. I just have enough of facing the same old thing and what I want to do now is all for myself. No one else even if it means losing all that I have. I believe in what's meant to be.

Although sometimes I find myself feeling down and questioning myself and my worth , I'm thankful to have people constantly reminding me that I deserve only the best in every aspect of my life.

This is the last time I'm posting something related to it.. xx