I guess I must have gained a lot of hatred from many people this year. Well done to me . ha ha .. So this is what I questioned myself, is that all I want to gain at the end of the year, leaving with regrets and words left unspoken? I hope for some time machine to rewind and make things better back then. I admit on my part I may not be totally right about certain issue but I believe all these impulsive act/feelings came about for a reason. Perhaps, I should have done things this way or that but I know there's no point of being regretful. I lost quite a number of friends this year and I sincerely don't feel any better, trust me. Each time I see them, at the back of my head I'll be like we used to be this close or we used to smile to each other. Many of the times I don't take chances and let it slip away from my fingers because I'm afraid to initiate or take the first move. It suck to be me. Then a small tiny bits of hatred gradually start to grow in me. I feel bad for feeling this way but certain things is definitely easier said than done. I don't believe in forgetting what hurt you the most because scars remain. I can go about acting all fine and well but eventually I'm just deceiving the ones whom I wanna prove to that I can live so much better . Ha ha. Another joke isn't it ? I don't understand why must I go so hard on myself but at the end of the day I don't feel better at all. Irony of life isn't it ?
I let the matter lingers around because i assume that was the best to settle and end all the pains. I certainly don't expect any one to understand or even try and put themselves in my shoe because is me against the world. I really need to accept the reality right now . Ultimately, I know I'm hurting myself the most, no one else did that .
"Don't look back and regret the things that made you smile. They happened for a reason" I wish xx is all happier, much happier than before because I may never be part of their life anymore or maybe ; just maybe a miracle will see us through?
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