ƸӜƷ Angela's

I halt for a moment and wonder what the environment has shaped me into. No doubt, I became really competitive as in not those who will constantly compare results but I'm those type that compete with myself. I really hate the side of me being overwhelm by too many things. I set high expectations for myself and I can't face disappointments because it is too hurtful.  Life is really getting way tougher than I thought. I've been constantly chasing after assignments, tasks, projects and results that I lose myself along the way. There was once when I'm doing DNT presentation board for 3 straight periods without break. I was all alone and I blame myself for being so dumb when it comes to IT work so right at that point of time when I don't know if what I have done was save, I was really annoyed that all I wanted to do was to smash the bloody computer and just washed my hands off. I let the devil emotions take control of me. Yes, I teared unknowingly and it suck more when all I think about was where's my friends. The ones that would never leave me on the lurch.  I fought hard to keep my tears from flowing further and it works. Sigh... Sometimes I wonder if I am really up for the stress ahead.. I wanna quit , quit so damn bad. I am perfectly fine when teachers give us homework or tests but it is when I can't do most of the question makes me feel like a complete loser. I know I'm not suppose to feel this way but I feel defeated right to the rock bottom. How long can I hold back my tears, how long can I sustain myself then.