Of all the people to lose, I had to lose you

Staring right at you, oblivious to all the others around you, around me. I can't believe how perfect you look to me today. All I see, is your face right down. That's all I need, even if it's to stare at you for once.  

I look at you, transferring any inch of inspiration you bring to me for this post. Yet all I think of is how you'd make me smile even by the littlest of texts or remembering that you taught me some of these and that before.  That's all it takes for that smile to be spread across my face.

Now I look at what we've became, stillness between us. As though our names could never be mentioned within the same breath. However, when able to be mentioned under that one same sentence, your name and mine; I feel happy -- just this simple 5 letter word.

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Now in the night, I look back on this first half of the post, and all I see are glimpses of you. Your smile. I get that fuzzy feeling in me. It warms me up so closely. Taking things back to the start, we never really had a proper footing into our friendship, half the time we spend, or I would further claim as a whole minus a quarter time. We use that much time of us both knowing each other, explaining things that are caused by others. Explaining that these are not true... or that these are true, whatever brings. What really hurts is that as I look back, although we had rough times and good times, it seems like this time round, it's really the end. As though we both are unable to make first moves. Let it stay stagnant and remain invisible to each other.

But the truth here is, I can't do that. If I positioned myself behind you, all I can do it look at your shadow; If we are facing each other, I can't help but let my eyes move away you.I find myself useless. 每一次就是没有当时的勇气................. Yet at times when you're behind me, I thought I'd be able to avoid looking at you.....but I find myself more often than usual turning my head back.

Is this all we'll ever be? 

because you know, you give me a sense of familiarization.

and even though I know, this is all we are.... I find myself still holding on, hoping that you will, halt yourself, take a look back at me, and start to initiate. Can we still be friends before graduating? I ponder. 

Are we really going to keep running away from each other?