25th

I think it's a bit redundant blogging at this point of time , You will know as you goes on .... :

I wanted to blog about how I feel right now , apparently , every night wasn't that fantastic . My mind was always occupied by thoughts , worries and feelings. Somehow , I admit , I not sure what I want , I started everything and end everything. If that's the case , I know I shouldn't start anything and give empty promises. I know I'm selfish  , I'm tat useless.

I wish you understand , what I really need and want at this point of time. Tell me , how many times I'm trying to emphasise on the word friends , just so that I don't want you to get hurt or face any disappointment . In a way , I'm trying to protect you , by doing so , you wouldn't pin such a high hopes on me. All these years , I can't deny the fact that you're good to me , apart from all those quarrelling.I wish I could do the same thing back to you . I want to let you know that I do appreciate you . I can't thank you enough for what you've done.

I don't know when are you showing your true self. It's like a second you can 'Flirt' but still you can say how much you care about me. I'm not doubting you on that  , just that I simply don't get it , shouldn't you just focus on me or what. Not that you can't make friends , but the way you make friends is too over. It's like knowing the person like you , shouldn't you avoid her for me ? I'm not jealous , I'm not your whoever that have the rights to interfere your life. So tell me , why do I still care so much .

I hate it when we got into a tiny arguments and it just get worse after that. That's the reason why , It wasn't like this when I'm with uhm , we never ever got into any arguments or fight , so tell me again , why are we always quarrelling,  how can I get enough assurance in the 'future' Was it meant to be this way ? #insecure

On the other hand , I don't think I'm ready for new , I'm still stuck in this deep shit , still thinking about him , missing him . Do I really have feelings for you ? I don't want anymore mistakes or errors in my life. Most importantly , I've set up this protective walls around me to not get hurt. I distance myself from some. Was it the right thing to do? Or have I missed out the 'right' one along the way .

I want us to stay as close friends , without love. Was it too much to ask for? Apparently , I know we can't work out this way .

So , that's what I say it's a bit redundant writing this post , In the end , I don't get myself. I don't have a solution and ultimately , I'll avoid the topic again .