Kit-Kat boy .

Should i be happy to know the answer or sad that i've known the answer .. My heart feel so heavy . I wanna cry out but i can't. I feel so upset. Yet i could tell her & him that i'm not upset.My respone was , "i'm alright ,  Ok-Ok , not that sad..." Seriously , i can't believe those words were spat out from my mouth ...  To make myself "strongER" , I've stopped myself from posting too much emo stuff on my twitter . I don't like it when you asked about my status as i knew i wouldn't be able to answer. Its all about you yknow ... How could i possibly still tell you everything. And so , the only place i could thrash everything out without worrying that you might see it , shall be here .   

You told me the answer that night , and i can say , my heart hurts , i feel like a knife just stabbed right through my heart , and its bleeding , tearing badly.  I put many ':)' and even ' haha'  to show you that i'm not a least bit affected. Yes , acting "strong" again .. You asked me if you've given me hope , my real answer was a 'Yes' But i chose to deny the fact . I don't wanna let you know that i've already place my happiness in your hands. Thus , Out of sympathy , you will agree to whatever i've requested you to do so . Its not what i wanted. I don't wanna be just a toy to you . I deceive myself many times and i got sick of it. I tried to make out as much time as possible for you . I tried to guess what's on your mind everyday till i'm so exhausted mentally each night. And  , I asked myself " Am i going to continue this way "  .  In the end , i just want the best from you . I really wish to enter your world even if its just a tiny bit of space that you could give me . Now,  I don't know the reason how you could still treat me so well , knowing that i'm nothing to you . So tell me , what do you want ? How are you trying to make me feel . Hais, this feeling just sucks ttm .

I never thought you don't feel the same way as i did after what we had gone through... I'm upset by your answers. Disappointed by all your replies. I don't mind putting you before me , but the fact that you don't really care a lot about how i feels , hurts me . Seriously , i don't blame you for what you did even if you're a self-centered person . Perhaps that's just an excuses from you , i knew you don't feel the spark as i did , so before you say those answers , i knew this would happen. ;/  I guess i still need to know a lot of things from you , its still not the end. I'm still pondering over a lot of things as there's just too much ' I don't know' from you. I wish you could just thrash out everything therefore i kept my feelings hidden from you up till now.  How could i know anything if you don't know what's on your head .I want some miracles to happen , i don't want to end this .. I knew that there's not much things for me to do , just got to continue believing. ;'(  

SO MUCH MEMORIES YOU'VE GIVEN ME .

HOW COULD I FORGET .

I DON'T WANNA BE JUST A GIRL THAT NEVER CROSS YOUR MIND .