dedicated to vivien

angela ah angela
cant you just control your emotion?
can you dont keep venting out your angers on others?
its unfair.
its took such a long nd hard time to come right to here, yet you wanna destroy everything again.
cherish it luhs.
but i just.. cant.
sorrys.

Indeed , you left a very deep mark in my heart , i have to admit .
Maybe you wont know how its feel in my situation , neither do i know yours .
Every part of my life , i dun want to exclude you out . really .
yes , you are that important , if you din realise yet .

I need to find some habit to hook up on.
Moving on with baby steps, erasing everything that wasn't suppose to be with me.
I’ve stayed strong so long that I've become numb.
It turns out that I still thinking and thinking about it
Too long, till I no longer know what I'm saying, what I'm doing.
Done lying to myself everything will still be th same.
I've found it. And I've woken up.
Woken up from all this dream, and back to this nightmare, this reality,
and that nothing will go th way I wanted it to.
But i still will hope for th better.
Giving fake hopes to myself, perhaps will make myself better.
I dont want or wish to let go.
Idk how long my feelings for you will fade.
Months, Years or Never i wont know and i dont know.
I dont wish to hurt you, i dont want you to be a replaceable.
I dont want anyone to get into my life again, not now.
Not till i get over you..
I felt i've drifted.

Sorry for whatever i did ...
With you crying on and on , do you think i would be happy .
You kept saying , i happy can already , do you mean it ?
you think i would be happy without you ? \:
I dun care what other ppl might think of me ,
i want to know how you three think of me , more for you  , as simple as that .

I want you and him to be together , cuz i know how its feel to regret .
And i know you know , cuz of your past , you've learnt , so am i .
everything you've done , prove alot of things .
you arent liddat last time , treating other boys liddat .
i think he is the first , and shall be the last .
From these few months , though its short , but i really get to know you , cuz you've given me the chance to .
Its hard for me you n alicia to come this far ,
i cant let go , i dont WANT to let it go just like that .
I want to be wid you , i cannot imagine the days without you .

I am struggling very hard . hope you would be also \:
Let time cure us . =/