Defeated

"How do you convince yourself to try harder when you have failed too many times? " 

I'm upset by the fact that my standard is just there no matter how much I push myself, how much I want to prove to others. Ultimately I'm left with believing that I'm actually pretty much a failure. 

I'm beginning to have second thoughts going for the another same kind of interview knowing the result will once again disappoint me. I wish I got some sort of energy booster because I've been feeling rather worn out lately and my battery percentage just won't charge up no matter how much I sleep. 

Days when I just want to sleep many many days away and just forget about the world. Days when I wish I could stop listening and just do it on my own way. Days when my close ones could actually feel happy about my desicions I've made. Days when I could stop pretending whenever I feel hurt.  Days when someone, just  anyone could actually feel the same way like I do.  

Feeling less lonely and hurtful because I'm hugging my fav two tightly close to my heart . :") Sorry for building up high walls because I don't deserve anyone at this awful stage.